Being in love - precious gift or fading passion?
The common prototype in our society of "true love" is mostly based
on our knowledge of romantic movies or love novels. Two people fall
in love, go together through thick and thin, are always honest to
each other, are faithful, never long for someone else and live inseparably
and happy until the end of their lifes. Viewing reality mostly shows
us a complete different scenario - be it the reality of your own,
of your parents or of friends. What excatly is this legendary and
misterious "true love"? Does it even exist or is it in fact only a
result of romantic fantasies and dreams?
All to easily and quickly we tell another person "I love you". Considering
those various relationships which fail immediately after having begun
we seemingly deal with this promise too careless and wasteful. At
one moment we are feeling it truly, at the other moment we suddenly
realize that we might be wrong. Indeed, there is no rule of thumb
saying you are truly in love or how long you should wait until you
confess your love to another person. However, perhaps we could try
harder to listen to our feelings before we are going to officiously
over-interpret our emotions.
This love situation is similar to values and principles which apply
in relationships and marriages. It might even happen to the most successful
couples - who state to be in love and happy - that values like faithfulness,
moral, honesty and trust change and after a while don't mean the same
as at the beginning of this relationship anymore. Suddenly, you are
rather willing to keep things from your partner, to lie to him or
even to cheat on him although you are sure to love only him and no
other person. Also, it might be the case that you suddenly think about
having an open relationship and all of a sudden the togetherness -
once so precious - begins to totter.
According to large-scaled surveys the main purpose for having open
relationships and secret affairs isn't the missing infatuation but
sexual dissatisfaction in your own relationship. Thus, especially
in long-term relationships love and respect between both parties remain
indeed, nevertheless usualness and boredom slowly creep into them.
Apart from the sexual point of view, it is mostly the deficiencies
the cheater is attempting to compensate by means of an affair.
The essential thing is openness and honesty as well as avoiding alienation.
There is always a way to lighten the fire of love again. However,
it costs quite an effort to honestly talk with your partner about
your own needs and desires. The fear of being refused keeps many people
from telling their partner what they miss in their current relationship.
However, can this actually still be regarded as love when you have
reached such a point? Or is it exactly the fact of getting over difficult
times which shows that it is real love?
What does "being in love" mean to you?